A THANKSGIVING TO REMEMBER
By: L.F.Young
01 Dec 2007
Have you ever wondered how your first major holiday after a divorce such as the all in cumbersome turkey day would go? Well take a journey and I’ll give you my most memorable holiday yet.
It all started on the eave of thanksgiving when I had to work, after getting off that morning, I stopped off at the grocery store picked up my duck and stuffing. As I’ve done for many thanksgivings, a few years ago I tried to be different exciting. I thought why not a duck instead of the traditional.
Well after I came home max (my overly hyper boxer) and I played out back for and hour or so, then went promptly to bed while the duck thawed. Being the end of a long three day shift I naturally sleep the entire day away. Now that’s how you celebrate a major holiday, in bed asleep. Oh wait it just gets even better.
So max and I are once again playing in the backyard, it’s now midnight and the duck is one quarter of the way too being the best one yet. Being that it was nearly one in the morning I decided to do something I’ve been putting off for sometime now.
So I’m nailing my dog’s carpet in his dog house at one in the morning with a very large hammer. In order to get the full picture you have to imaging a fairly large shoulder guy with his upper body in the dog house and the rest of him lying on the back porch concrete floor. Yes you heard it right, nailing carpet in the middle of the night.
Well this didn’t sit well with my now extremely pissed of dog, I guess he thought I was taking over his territory or something. So max decides to take his aggression out on the backyard and his multiple toys. At some point this wasn’t good enough for him and he decides to take a friendly nibble on my right calve, scaring the holy sh— out of me.
Doing the only things a strong and virile man as myself could do I screamed and slammed my head on the ceiling. Instantly I new something was wrong when a ungodly pain shot threw my entire skull and a small driblet of blood started trickling down the side of my face.
Being in the nursing field I instantly surmised that I have punctured my brain and that I was leaking CSF fluid (cerebrospinal fluid). Now I know that I woke up at least one person, what with the screaming a max and the near destruction of my dogs house in all as I tried to make my way to the bathroom mirror.
I in my hast I left the back door open (you’ll want to remember this point in the story) I told you it gets better, but this is nothing yet. So, after a minute or two in front of the mirror assessing that I only punctured my head a millimeter or two, I did the only thing I could do, I ran for the back yard where max was sitting in the middle of the yard with one of those oh sh—expressions on his face.
As I flew out the back door (still open) where I commenced in a UFC showdown fashion with my soon to be dead dog. It’s now about two in the morning and I’m sure the duck is half if not three quarters to completion by now, max and I go back and forth him biting me and me biting him and trying to be the first person to make a dog pretzel. After forty five minutes or so of this my adrenalin and Max’s energy was spent so we went inside to have our thanksgiving duck. Which by the way was perfect, so you would think that this would be the end of my story, Nop?
I go back to work that Friday night with a new wound and a funny little story to tell my coworkers to the enjoyment of all. After another busy three days it’s now Monday morning and I’m ready for a warm fire some wine and a good book to read. Max’s is outside eating his morning meal and I’m just sitting down on my worn in recliner. When out of the corner of my right eye I see something dart past my sofa with a squeak. Yep that’s right a squeak, looking down the back of my sofa with the flashlight I see a long trail of dog food and mouse droppings. YUCK!
Now max and I who I let in to track down that mouse spend the next two hours tearing the living room apart. After the two hours and no mouse found I decide to clean up all the mess (it should be noted at this time in the story that my vacuum cleaner decided to call it quits on last Saturday, yep that’s right the day after black Friday.). This is of special importance to all the black Friday shopper, they will fill my pain, now back to the story.
Being the manly guy that I am I refused to go to the store and buy a new one so I used my garage shop vac. If you’ve never used a shop vac they are round with wheels and a long hose to suck with and at the end there’s this little and I mean little brush. It’s now one hour later when the living room floor was completely cleaned and all the furniture was placed back in there original spot.
Now the fire I started was just a little flame and the wine was accidentally dumped in the sink, I grabbed the only thing left my book and sat in my chair again. When scratch scratch squeak scratch came from the kitchen, max look at me with his stubby little tail wagging a mile a minute, as to say it’s go time little mouse and took off to the kitchen.
The mouse had made its way behind the refrigerator, oh great now what to do? I pulled the refrigerator out a little and looked behind it to find the mouse now sitting about one foot up and in the little hole that the plumber makes to place the water line in. Attempting to chew his or her way threw the plastic liner in the hope to reach the inner wall and hopeful to freedom.
After a few minutes of soft cursing and jumping up and down in the kitchen I looked at max and gave him the order to watch the left flank while I grabbed my tiki torch that I had brought in just two weeks earlier. Now with the flashlight in my mouth and the tiki torch held like a spear. I jabbed for the unwanted intruder with great manly skills, and with probably more luck than anything I was able to knock this unwanted holiday visitor off the perch out cold unharmed.
After a few minutes of arguing with max as to who was going to pick the little fellow up he gave me one of those it’s your house look and walked back to his big blue pillow for a mornings nap.
Not wanting a reunion on Christmas day I took the little fellow out to the woods in the hill country and let him go with a holiday suggestion to go and visit his relative the next thanksgiving.
This will go down for me at least as one holiday I will never forget, happy holidays to you and yours and every San Antonio this holiday season.
